Sunday, 25 September 2011

I Think it's Hitting Me

Well this is the first week where it's hitting that my new normal involves someone else spending more waking time with my little girl.  I am ok with it.  Not great, but ok.  I think it was brought on by a case of diaper rash.  My little girl got her first bought this week, and she never had any problems while I was the one with her.  I dealt with the issue and she healed in 36 hours but I know if I was at home, it never would have happened.  Second issue was juice, yes juice.  I don't want my daughter drinking it and I was pretty clear about that and twice I have picked her up to find juice in her cup.  With childhood obesity rising at an insane rate, not to mention juvenile diabetes juice and all sugary drinks should be outlawed.  How people think it's ok to drink the stuff I'll never know.  Would you sit and eat 3 oranges?  Likely not, so why drink a glass of juice.  Eat an orange, get the fibre with the sweetness.  I love food and that passion has driven me to eat my calories, not drink them.  Anyhow, back to leaving my Belle.  I still think I am a better mommy now that I am working.  I am more patient, and my time with her rarely feels like a chore anymore so maybe I am better than ok.  Maybe I am just still a little angry that she was in pain all because the person I hired for her care doesn't change her diaper enough.  Something that seems so basic just fell through the cracks and really irked me.

Top it all off, I finally changed my birth control pill to something more reliable than micronor (the pill breastfeeding mommies can take without affecting milk supply)  and I think it's messing with me.  My emotions aren't as even as they used to be, but I am not sure if it's the new pill or the changes me and my family are going through.  Some days I think maybe I should try an IUD, I am sure the horror stories of the 80s are a thing of the past, but I am still freaked out by inserting an implant to prevent pregnancies.  I loved not being on the pill.  I have never been happier than those two months I was off the pill trying to get pregnant.  Things just felt fresh all the time.  Hormones are a wild thing.  It's amazing how they enable the body to function, but when hormones are not working properly or are manipulated in some way my mind and by extension my feelings become so unfamiliar. 

On another plus, my Belle made me more relaxed at work.  I work more efficiently so I can get home to see her and the bigger picture seems even bigger now.  I still want to do a good job because I really enjoy my work, but moments of 'did I forget something' or 'will my clients learn something and find their experience valuable' don't plague me anymore.  I won't forget something that can't be fixed and clients are people.  There will always be those looking for fault in something and no matter how hard I try they may not be happy, but treat them with respect and they will remember that.

Anyhow, my next post will be fun.  I'll share my grandma's banana cake with peanut butter frosting recipe with some slow and low cooked ribs.  My hubby's birthday is coming up and I look forward to making his tummy happy and returning the thoughtfulness he showed me on my birthday.  I lucked out with one of the best guys ever. And he's smart and sexy too!

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