Well it's been almost a month since my last self-indulgent rant so I guess it's about time for another. My fitness is not the same as it was before I had my Belle. I love the feeling of pushing my body to a limit that I am not even sure of. Just when I think I have gone too far it's like I have an out of body experience. I'll be on my spin bike with my legs in pain, lactic acid on my tongue and seriously no oxygen in my muscles and then the pain just leaves me. I know I am in pain somewhere and I just don't feel it anymore. It's like I have surpassed my limits. It's the headiest feeling I have ever had and I miss it. I am sure it must be what addicts must miss. On top of missing the push, I hear that voice. You know that voice that starts for every little girl by the age of 12. The one that tells you, if you're not skinny you're not pretty. That stupid voice that even a 34 year old woman can't shut-up? Yeah, that one. The only time that stupid voice goes away is when I work out regularly. When I work out regularly, I eat whatever I want. Wear sexy clothes and I instigate a hell of a lot more steamy sex. You know the stuff you used to think you needed to be a young hot gymnast to accomplish. Working out = me feeling amazing in all aspects of my life.
I am working out three times a week now and have been for three weeks now. I have to do it on my lunch hour. I do two spin classes and one yoga class. I feel better. Not quite the way I used to, but better and better is good enough. Working out over lunch means I do clock in an extra 30 - 40 minutes at work, because try as I might by the time I get to the gym and shower afterwards there is no way I can get it done all on my lunch hour. No one at my work watches a clock but I just feel guilty if I cut out early. So I get to work before eight on the days I work out and stay until about 4:30. I still grab my Belle by about 5:00. This also means that lasagna is made every Sunday so that I can spread it over to use on one of the nights I am late picking her up. My daycare provider is good with a later pick-up twice a week. I just clear it with her each week which days work for her. I do Yoga at a site really close to my office, so on those days I don't stay late as I can get the workout in during the lunch hour. I don't love Yoga, but hey it gets me moving.
The part that's slipping now is the professional me part. Lunch was a time when I got in some really valuable time with colleagues. When I got to know what's going on with them both professionally and personally. It seems no matter what decision I make, something else slips. I am comfortable that there will never be one perfect fit but it's so slippery being a working mom who wants to make time for themselves. I am so grateful to my husband and friends who get me. Otherwise I could never even come close to trying to get this right.
